Tre år av saknad.

Idag för tre år sedan hittade min syster vår pappa död i sin säng. Åren som följt efter detta har varit tuffa, både känslomässigt och ekonomiskt. Men jag har lärt mig mycket om mig själv. Innan var jag deprimerad, och det var ganska allvarligt, men nu fick jag själv känna på hur det var att förlora någon nära. Jag brydde mig tidigare aldrig om vad som skulle hända med dom som blev kvar om jag skulle välja att göra något drastiskt. Jag intalade mig själv att jag inte brydde mig, att det var mitt beslut och mitt liv. Men det är det inte. Vare sig du valt det eller ej så är ditt liv aldrig helt ditt eget. Du har gett en liten bit av det till din familj, dina vänner och dom du beslutat dig för att umgås med. Dina föräldrar äger redan sin bit från födseln. Dock måste alla värna om den del av ditt liv de fått.

Nu är jag inte längre djupt där nere och jag har lärt mig att människan klarar en hel del. För tre år sedan trodde jag inte att jag skulle överleva en närståendes död, jag trodde att jag skulle sluta fungera och att jag helt enkelt skulle sluta existera. Men människor är tuffa varelser. Visst försvann en bit av mig, jag kommer aldrig bli den jag var en gång. Jag tror att för varje människa som försvinner ur ens liv försvinner en liten bit av den du en gång var. Men du dör inte. Kanske hade jag rätt i att man slutar existera efter ett tag, om tillräckligt många du älskar försvinner. Visst är jag rädd för att hamna i samma situation igen, att en familjemedlem eller en nära vän dör, men jag kan inte sluta leva, sluta finna nya vänner för det. Saknaden efter personen kommer alltid finnas kvar men jag har hört att sorgen kommer att försvinna. Jag har hört, för jag är inte där än. Jag sörjer fortfarande efter tre år.

Men jag lever. Och jag tänker fortsätta med det. Jag vet att det finns så många fler där ute i världen som har det värre. Men jag tänker tala om for alla jag älskar att jag älskar dom. För det gör jag. Jag kommer inte dö om nån annan gör det av olycka eller eget val. Men den biten av mitt liv jag gett bort kommer kommer att försvinna med er, så på ett sätt kommer jag alltid vara med er. Jag önskar er all lycka och jag finns här för er.

Det här inlägget har tagit nästan hela dagen att skriva. Men jag behövde det.

Älskar er alla!

Doctor Who - Night Terrors (minor spoilers!)

YESSSS! Here we go! Mark, you are great! This episode had everything I wanted. Humor, seriousness, and it wasn't to complicated. Could have gone a bit deeper, but it wasn't necessary.

The beginning was great and just as the Doctor said, it's been a while since he made a house call. It was definitely about time. Loved all of the doctors little quirks and that he still had that seriousness about him that makes people around him listen(if you aren't his companions, then it's a requirement that you don't.) The background story was simple, not to complicated so the writer(Mark Gatiss) could still handle it without making those annoying little mistakes that, sadly, the main story has right now. The episode itself wasn't nearly as good as, for example Blink, but it was scary in a very god and capturing way. It wasn't one of my absolute favorites, but it was good. I'm giving it 3½ points. Can't really give it more. It was above average and I'm more than pleased but it hadn't that WOW feeling and as I said before the background story could have been a bit better.

Review of Doctor Who - Let's Kill Hitler (spoilers)

Today I will try and actually USE my blog the way I planned to do in the first place. Fangirling the heck out of things.

I have just seen the latest episode of Doctor Who(DW). To be honest, I was expecting so much more and am a bit disappointed. Love the stories they bring and love most of the characters, but I just keep feeling that the writers(in this case Moffat) is missing out on so many possibilities. Especially about Riversong, played by Alex Kingston. I can honestly say that I didn't like that character to begin with and it haven't been easier along the way. But when it was reviled that she was Melody Pond, I was hoping that they would work a little with the character, expand it a bit, but they didn't. They had some twist in the episode, which I did like. For example, Amy and Rory's friend since childhood were Melody and that... No, that was it, actually. And barley that. Why wasn't their best friend, that predicted that they would end up together, at the wedding (don't buy the crap about her "not doing weddings".) when River was. Of course it works, but it feels forced and far from planned. When Moffat is the one writing all the essential parts about River, I can't understand why he hasn't worked this one out better than this. He is still my favourite writer in DW but he has to step up a notch now. I get that he is busy, he's writing two shows at the same time, but to be honest, if he can't keep up with both maybe he should pass the torch. Or, it's physically hurting me to say this, cancelling Sherlock. I dread to see what happened to that show, if this is what he can produce in the future. The reason I like Moffat's writing in the first place was that he was much more light hearted than RTD, but now he's going down the same road. And just like Davies, he's pairing the Doctor up with a girl. I can get that Rose didn't end up with the Doctor, but all these kissy-feely-stuff River and the Doctor is up to, is far worse than the Rose/Doctor relationship in my eyes. I just keep feeling that he's taking over RTD's toy and now makes it do what ever he wants it to do while he says: "Look, I can do better than you". I guess I just miss the original ideas he had before.

Back to the episode. For a story called Let's kill Hitler, it was awfully little about WWII. I get that it was Melody's line that they were basing the title on, but I was hoping for something else. Hate that the first (so called) review of one of my favourite shows became so negative. Matt Smith and the gang was still awesome. Rory being a BAMF, love that twist for his character, Amy is a bit blah, but she has always been that and I like her. Little Amelia making an appearance was awesome! Love that little girl! Matt is all over the place, as usual. I think that I feel the same love for him as I do for little Amelia. Some sort of protective love and a will to try to keep them from hurting themself. Have a feeling Matt would need it more though than the little girl playing Amelia though.


All and all, I'm going to give the episode 2/5. It was a little under average for a good DW episode considering it was about the main thread of the series right now.

Då ska jag försöka mig på att börja blogga då.

Än så länge har jag absolut noll koll på den här sidan och får väl lära mig eftersom. Tanken är att jag ska lägga ut saker och ting som intresserar mig, då först favoriter inom film, serier, böcker med mera. Alltså att vara en äkta fangirl! Men det kommer säkert upp annat åxå med tiden.

So without much further ado, I present: The Diary of a Fangirl!

Välkomna!